“What am I going to do with my 17 tonnes of sunshine?” Apparently I said this in my sleep the last night, or something like it.
I naturally concluded that I had no idea what this dream reference could mean. It’s ridiculous, amusing and makes no sense! But, I wondered today, if this out of context statement has a real meaning.
I just turned 28, so that’s two years before I turn the big 3-0 and one year before my scheduled midlife crisis at 29. (I say scheduled, as I feel like 30 would be The Best, but I have to have a midlife sometime right?) Speaking with so many of my friends across the New Year period, the general consensus was that 2015 seems to be the year to “get your ducks in a row”. In other words, “get your shit in order, you’re no longer in your mid-20s”.
I’m acutely aware I’m in the enviable position of having so much choice and potential paths to take. Yet this can sometimes feel overwhelming. Even though these choices and paths are filled with hope and “sunshine”, 17 tonnes is a heavy load to carry.
I don’t believe in luck, I believe you make the most of the opportunities presented to you through hard work and preparation. Though I do feel grateful for my current circumstance. I’m currently living in one of the best cities in the world (approaching my two year anniversary in less than two months) with eclectic and gorgeous friends, enjoying a stable job (but frankly I’m struggling for motivation this year), keeping the New York City dream alive, embarking in my final year of the most rewarding education endeavour I’ve ever done, feeling as confident as ever to write more and more, and dating a lovely new guy (which is a refreshing alternative to dealing with the cesspool that is online dating).
What I lack in “grown up” material possessions (i.e. car, house, investment property) I make up for in a divine Kate Spade hand bag, and a few irreplaceable antique furniture pieces. I’ve had the incredible freedom to near continually educate myself since graduating high school in 2003 (with only a two and half year break) and travel to some of the most breathtaking places in the world.
But I have a lot on my mind at the moment. I’m saving like mad for regular domestic flights for weddings and various related activities, for my New York City dream….of which, to my sudden realisation, my ideal timeframe of achievement is approaching with pace, and for a long overdue trip to Turkey with one of my best friends. My rent is also stretching my limits, and I’m weighing up my career options post-graduation. Am I making the right choices for me personally?
I’m not complaining, and I certainly have no reason to. Understandably this could be coming across as self-indulgent and lacking perspective, but maybe this is my 17 Tonnes of Sunshine? I have so many wonderful things going on. But what do I do with it all and what are my next steps as I approach 30?
The only other thing I can think of as to the meaning of this midnight awakening, is that it was unbearably hot yesterday and I was simply lamenting that fact in an odd numbered, imperial system measurement!